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Dear Aphrodite,
I've seen harnesses on your website. What are they, and how are they used? How can I choose one that's right for me?
 Harnesses are used to hold a dildo against the wearer's body. Together, a harness and dildo (a.k.a. "strap-on") can be worn by a woman or man to penetrate a woman, a man, or oneself. Sex play with a harness and dildo offers a multitude of options for pleasure and safety. For example:
- A woman might use a harness and dildo to penetrate her male or female partner, or to penetrate herself and her partner simultaneously (using a harness cuff or double dildo).
- A man might use a harness and dildo to penetrate a male or female partner independent of an erection, or if his partner prefers to be penetrated by something of a different size than his penis.
- Men and women can use a harness to secure a dildo to a chair, wheelchair, or other stable object for self-pleasuring. Thigh harnesses can also be strapped to other parts of a partner’s body for creative sex play.
- Men and women can use a harness and dildo to have safer penetrative sex.
How to choose a harness
- Where do you want the harness to be strapped?
A hip harness works best when the harness wearer wants to thrust, or when you wish to explore penetration in a variety of positions.
A thigh harness allows you to penetrate someone who is riding your thigh. This works well when you want to penetrate a woman vaginally (it's a little harder to use for anal penetration) and when the person being penetrated wants to control most of the movement. Most thigh harnesses will also fit around a pillow, chair, or wheelchair seat for penetration during solo or partner play.
- Do you prefer one strap between your legs (thong style) or two straps, one around each leg (jock-strap style)?
Some people love the single-strap thong feeling and look, while others prefer to have two straps around each leg. Keep in mind that someone who dislikes the feel of thong underwear may still like the feel of a thong harness, because that single strap can provide more stimulation to the vulva and anal area. Men tend to prefer two-strap models, and a two-strap harness can provide more stability during vigorous thrusting. There are good choices available in each style, so you don’t have to be uncomfortable as you play.
- What size dildo(s) will you use?
Most of the harnesses we carry are fitted with an O-ring that will accommodate all but the largest and smallest of the dildos we offer. Some harnesses are more versatile, and are made so that you can change ring sizes to fit different dildos.
- Who will wear it?
All our harnesses adjust to fit a variety of body sizes, and some are available in "Xtra Lusty" sizes, as well. The descriptions in our stores, on our website and in our catalog tell you the size range each harness can comfortably accomodate.
- Would the person wearing the harness enjoy extra stimulation?
If so, you may want to consider:
- Using a dildo with a vibrator in the base.
- Choosing a harness with pockets for vibrating eggs, designed for a well-placed buzz, such as the Plush Harness or Triple Pleasure Harness.
- Using a Harness Cuff to hold a dildo or vibrator in place for vaginal or anal penetration of the harness wearer.
- Using a double dildo (Betty & Veronica, Thelma & Louise, Cagney & Lacey, Kate & Allie or Gertrude & Alice)
- Do you prefer leather or synthetic material?
Harnesses made of synthetic materials can be cleaned in the washing machine (it's best to put them inside a lingerie bag so the ends don’t get wrapped around the agitator). Leather requires a little more care -- gentle soap and water washing without immersion. Leather is also incredibly stable and will soften and mold to your body with use. It's your choice!
- Does it match!?!
Perhaps this is a small matter, but this *is* an opportunity to accessorize! Some people think that the black leather option matches pretty much everything; others prefer brighter colors or glitter. Sometimes having the right color combination can allow the inner you to express yourself more fully as you prance around in front of the mirror in the privacy of your own bedroom.
Also see our How to Choose a Dildo article for related information. For more resources, we recommend The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex as well as the Bend Over Boyfriend 1 and 2 DVDs.
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