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Dear Sex Counselor,
I am the half-time mother to a 14 year old boy. He has been accessing pornography on the internet. I enjoy porn myself and his father and I used it together during our marriage. I shared this with him and cautioned against the internet for safety reasons and because a lot of porn out there does not represent average anatomy or loving sexuality. I would like to channel his normal interest/curiosity to more appropriate material. Any suggestions?
 Thank you for the wonderful question.
First, I'd consider a good overall book about sex. For a person of his age, I like the "Cartoon Guide To Sex" which has very good (and respectful) information in an easy-to-read format. If he's more bookish, consider "The Guide To Getting It On" or "The Big Bang" as having good information for him to understand sex in the bigger picture of life.
Some parents will choose to share instructional movies with their teenagers. They feature explicit sex with good messages on how to have healthy sex with a partner. The Better Sex Video Sexplorations Series is a good choice for that. You can choose all 3 or just one.
If you want a more "erotic" movie for him, with a nice message but not so instructional, the Modern Kama Sutra movies are good for that, particularly the "Pleasuring Her First" one.
And if you want sexy stories that are more on the NC-17 level, try one of the Voyeur movies. They show adult situations and nudity, but no closeups of penetration and there's a bit of a story with each 15 minute vignette, so there's a context for the sex.
I hope this helps. We always encourage parents to talk about what their kids are seeing on the internet, and let them know that it's not exactly like sex will be in real life. The above movies will help with the real life depictions some. Good conversations will help too.
Thanks for being a caring parent. It's great!
The Sex Counselor
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