Contrary to popular belief, orgasms don’t just “happen” to many women. In many cases, it’s hard to know where to begin to learn about your body and what brings you pleasure. Whether you’ve never had an orgasm before, feel as though you can’t have them anymore, or simply want to have more, better or stronger orgasms, a multitude of literature is available to help you on your quest.
Becoming Orgasmic by Julia R. Heiman, Ph.D. and Joseph LoPiccolo, Ph.D. is subtitled, “A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women.” This groundbreaking work is the most comprehensive and well-known book about female orgasm, and if you’ve never had an orgasm (or if it's been a very long time), this is an excellent place to begin. Both authors are doctors and present here their program for preorgasmic women – those who have not yet reached orgasm (the authors prefer this term to the relatively negative “anorgasmic”). They take readers through a step-by-step program that includes various exercises to acquaint (or re-acquaint) you with your body and what feels good to you. There are also written exercises designed to help you discover your feelings about your body, your sexuality, your attitudes, and your relationships. Success stories from women who have become orgasmic as a result of the program are scattered throughout.
“Becoming Orgasmic” is geared toward heterosexual women with partners, and assumes to a certain extent that the ultimate goal is female orgasm during vaginal intercourse with a male partner. However, women who do not have intercourse with men, or those who do not have a partner can still benefit from the sections on self-discovery and self-exploration. Women who have male partners can benefit specifically from the exercises designed to promote open communication and close connection between partners.
Also included is information about sex therapy, and what steps to take if you feel you want to pursue further or more intense work.
For Yourself is by Lonnie Barbach,
a certified sex therapist, and is another excellent step-by-step program for women who want a specific set of exercises to follow on the path to greater sexual fulfillment. As the title indicates, there is a focus predominantly on learning to enjoy sex for your sake, not to satisfy a partner. For this reason, although the writing seems geared toward male-female partnerships, anyone wishing to enjoy their body more can benefit from the exercises.
For Yourself details the physical, emotional and psychological aspects of reaching orgasm, from your body’s response to physical stimulation to your mind’s response to the emotional intimacy orgasm can sometimes bring about. It is quite comprehensive in its approach, focusing equally on all aspects of orgasm rather than just the physical sensations.
Because the focus is on the fulfillment of female sexuality specifically, this book is also a good choice for male partners who are supporting their female partners in their journey to become more sexually satisfied.
The Woman’s Book of Orgasm by Tara Barker is a good choice if you’re looking for a quick read that gives you a glimpse into the pleasures other women have found in sex and orgasm. The book relies mainly on personal testimonies and anecdotes, from favorite sexual positions (three couples try out three different positions, rate them, and comment on them) to favorite methods of masturbation.
This book is filled with short blocks of information that could be distracting to some, but still contains some very good information. You’ll find out how to correctly put on a condom, how to give your relationship a sexual makeover (with an emphasis on more, better orgasms for the female partner) and take a quiz to determine your “sexual personality.”
The tone of this book is less serious and informative and more anecdotal and fun, but is valuable nonetheless. It’s a good choice for women who are seeking a “spicier” sexual relationship, who want to try out some new ways of finding pleasure, or who just want to read about or find inspiration in sexual activities other women and couples find enjoyable. Once again, the writing style is geared toward heterosexually identified, partnered women, but offers some useful information any woman can put to use.
When the Earth Moves: Women and Orgasm by Mikaya Heart isn’t a good choice if you’re looking for a step-by-step program, but it might be right for you if you’re already orgasmic and trying to expand your view of orgasm from merely physical to spiritual and emotional as well. Heart focuses specifically on three basic types of orgasmic experience – the physical, the energetic, and the spiritual, connecting them all to our experience of the “erotic.”
The focus here is mainly on female-female sexual experiences, and for this reason this book may be especially helpful for women who identify as lesbian (the author herself identifies as lesbian and writes quite frankly about her orgasmic experiences with other women). This is the most all-inclusive book on this list, with great information for women and men of all orientations – for instance, the section entitled, “From the Point of View of the Penis,” discusses male sexuality (both heterosexual and homosexual), a rarity in books about female sexual response.
When the Earth Moves also provides a great deal of helpful information about advantages, disadvantages, techniques, and safety issues surrounding a variety of sex acts, from G-Spot stimulation to vaginal fisting to multiple orgasms.
If you find personal anecdotes to be helpful, this is an excellent place to start, as the text is sprinkled liberally with blurbs describing survey respondents’ personal experiences with orgasm. Overall, this is a very informative, easy-to-read look at the nature of orgasms.
The Big O by Lou Paget is another book that doesn’t take readers through a “program” of any type. Instead, The Big O provides a fun look at what we know about orgasms and, more importantly, what we only think we know. Paget is also the author of How to Be a Great Lover and How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, and approaches the subject matter from a partner-based perspective.
This book is a good choice if you want to debunk some myths surrounding orgasm, learn some new techniques to try out with your partner, or get some basic information about your body and your sexual response pattern. This isn’t a good choice for women who have never had orgasms (or haven’t had them in a long time), as it doesn’t give any pointers for “where to begin,” but if you want to spice things up a little in your sex life, this could be the key for you.
The Big O is quite comprehensive and provides basic information on a wide range of topics, from different varieties of sex toys to intercourse positions to medical and health issues. The sections on safer sex and medical/health conditions affecting sexual response are especially good, as is the extensive section on Spiritual Sex (which includes some basic Kama Sutra and Tantric practices). Overall, the book provides a good overview of a variety of sexual and orgasmic topics that you can use as a springboard to seek out more specific information elsewhere.
Sex for One is a groundbreaking work by Betty Dodson, who is something of a pioneer in the field of sexuality, having energetically advocated masturbation (self-love, as she calls it) to thousands of people over the past three decades. “Sex for One” was originally titled “Liberating Masturbation,” and published in the 1970s. Dodson has been conducting Bodysex Workshops since then, in which women gather in her home and learn how to pleasure themselves, both with their hands and with vibrators (the Hitachi Magic Wand is her tool of choice).
More of a “why-to” book than a “how-to,” “Sex for One” details Dodson’s personal philosophies about masturbation and sexual pleasure. Don’t expect to learn many new techniques (although the chapter on creating a night-long date with yourself is highly recommended), but expect instead to learn to view masturbation and orgasm as satisfying, fulfilling activities in and of themselves.
If you’re new to masturbation, this book can provide some excellent inspiration for your journey of self-discovery. Likewise, if you’re in a relationship but not feeling completely fulfilled through intercourse, Sex for One can give you some pointers for making sure both you and your partner leave your sexual experiences happy ant satisfied.
Because this book focuses so strongly on self-love, it’s a great resource for people of all genders, relationship statuses, and orientations.
Of course, this is just a sampling of the wide array of literature focused on orgasm. If you don’t see anything that suits your specific needs here, or if you have more questions, please feel free to call, e-mail, or stop in to the store for more information.
