A great book for heterosexual couples looking for guidance in creating a healthy sexual relationship.  Written by a sex therapist, it has a balanced, practical, professional, and reassuring voice. The authors’ premise is that all individuals and couples have their own sexual style—sex means different things to different people, and has many different functions within a relationship. Understanding your own sexual style, and that of your partner, can help you better understand your sexual strengths and vulnerabilities, and to build a truly satisfying sexual relationship with your partner.  The authors encourage couples to develop both intimacy and eroticism in their relationship, and, overall, to be intimate, erotic friends to one another.

There is a quiz to figure out which of 4 broad categories you and your partner fall into, with a description of the strengths and vulnerabilities of each style.  Only part of the book actually focuses on these different styles, but the rest of the information in the book is tailored to include ideas that would be helpful to different styles.

This book does a good job of debunking a lot of pervasive myths about sexuality, for example: all sex should be mind-blowing and if it isn’t, something is wrong with you, couples with good relationships never have dysfunctional sex, both partners should be aroused to the same level at each sexual encounter, certain types of touch or orgasms are better than others.  The authors give couples concrete ways to incorporate different types of touch into their relationship, and emphasize that touch does not always have to lead to intercourse.  Other topics covered: how to create space for arousal to happen, ways to enjoy touching, intercourse, orgasm, and “afterplay,” ways to deal with sexual changes that come with aging, and how to use “pro-sex medications” when appropriate.  Overall, this book is a good choice for anyone in a heterosexual relationship who wants realistic, encouraging guidance for dealing with sexual problems and/or creating more intimacy with their partner.

Authors: Barry W. McCarthy and Emily McCarthy

Published in: 2009

Length: 135 pages